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HaHaTrumpWon

Murphy's Laws of F13:TG

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Counselors:

The first five cabins you search will yield nothing but maps and walkie-talkies.

Hiding under a bed to make a one-minute bathroom run will get you  killed. Standing outside of the busiest cabin for ten-minutes while you make yourself a sandwich and read the newspaper will not.

Loud counselors will always lead Jason to your location no matter how remote it is.

Jason will wait to destroy the fuse box until there is .0286 seconds left until call completion. 

When joyriding in the boat, you will miss every obstacle easily and Jason will no-show. When trying to escape in the boat, you will hit every obstacle and Jason will show up before you're even finished starting the motor.

If your inventory is filled with med spray, Jason will only grab. If it's filled with pocket-knives, he will only slash,

Jason's stun duration is always 1 second shorter than your car-starting time.

No amount of damage will break Jason's mask if Tommy Jarvis is still alive. After he dies, it will break immediately if you so much as look at it the wrong way.

The fuse-box, cars, generators, and the shack will be untrapped. The map stand, however, will be locked down like Fort Knox.

The actual skill level of fellow counselors is inversely proportionate to their claimed skill level.

Jason:

All throwing knives come with a 50% chance of being ambushed as soon as you pick one up.

No matter how poorly or obviously placed, you will still hit counselor bear-traps when chasing counselors out of a cabin.

Any alert from Pamela will be from a decoy counselor if the lobby is getting their ass handed to them.

Any alert from Pamela will be legitimate if YOU'RE getting your ass handed to you.

Audio cues will only be played if Morph is offline. 

A Vanessa or Buggzy will flawlessly repair any objective you neglected to trap. The ones you did trap will remain untouched the entire round.

The counselor who has mercilessly trolled you from the get-go will rage-quit the moment they are grabbed.

If the map is large, traps won't be stepped in until you're all the way on the opposite side.

Even if using Goku's Instant Transmission, any counselor stepping in your traps will be long gone by the time you arrive.

A lobby full of incompetent retards will become a league-worthy team as soon as you're chosen to be Jason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Counselors (pt2):

Jason is never too busy to show up as soon as a repair is complete regardless of how well it is performed.

No amount  of panicked flashlight clicking will persuade a 1/10 repair counselor to give the part to the 10/10 repair counselor standing right beside him.

After successfully evading all window and door traps placed at a barricaded cabin, you will hit the one placed by a fellow counselor right before making your escape.

Any Jason that cannot hit a stationary counselor with a TK from 3 feet away will hit you with one while running at full speed towards the police.

Any TK that hits you just before reaching the police will cripple you regardless of current health.

No, he's not really gone, he's in Stalk... always.

Jason (pt2):

The near-dead Bunny Girl you decide to "toy with" will break a baseball bat on your face, heal up, tea-bag you, make it to the car, and escape before you can get back on your feet. If you're lucky, that will be the end of it.

If you're UNLUCKY, the video will be on YouTube within the hour.

The longer you spend trying to trap objectives, the sooner they'll get tanked after you leave.

It always takes one more TK than you have on hand to kill the glitcher on the Jarvis House porch.

 As soon as you Stalk-Morph to the exit to cut off a fleeing car, it will be driven all the way to the other exit in reverse.

If you Morph to the other exit to cut off a reversing car, it will be driver forward to it's originally planned exit.

 

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Jason:

Did you just flawlessly execute a counselor using Jason's bag of tricks the way they were intended and surprised the living nuts right off of the player?

Congratulations! You are a cheating cheater who cheated and were clearly being helped by one of the other randos in the lobby.

Did you clear the rest lobby only me to spend the last 5 minutes of the match staring at someone dancing in an unreachable area of the map?

Congratulations! You couldn't kill them because you suck more than anyone else has ever sucked before or will ever suck again.

Counselor:

Did you say something to defend yourself to the other player either of those scenarios?

Congratulations! In the next round you are guaranteed to screw up something easy that you've done a thousand times before, right as that player's Jason is closing in on you for the first kill.

(My Murphy's Law entry is the third one, but we needed the first two for context)

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