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ShankerOne

Jason Kills: The Jingle Bells Parody

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Ok first, I am no poet nor song writer, so this is all in good fun for a little holiday chuckle. It might suck. You might laugh, you might not. Some of you may think that I need intense psychological therapy that may or may not include electric shock and heavy amounts of some sort of drug….maybe lots of drugs. Or some of you may read this and think that I am already on them. Maybe one or more of those things is true and, off topic…But the point is, I made 13 iterations of this god forsaken thing. Why 13? Certainly not to shoehorn in some pun here about Friday the 13th and...ya know what, nevermind that’s not important. On with the show.

Jason Kills: The Jingle Bells Parody
by ShankerOne

(Editors Note 1: May whatever god or cosmic entity you believe in have mercy on those that proceed beyond this point.)

(Editors Note 2: This might hurt...a lot. You should probably turn back now.)

(Editors Note 3: Last chance to turn back.)

(Editors Note 4: We're really going through with this eh? Ok, You've been warned.)

~Sets inner music monologue to those reading to the theme of Jingle Bells.~

[Verse 1]
Crashing through the walls
With a freshly sharpened blade
Over the throat I go Cutting all the way
The camp is glowing red
As councilors yell and cry
What fun it is to slash and slay
On a Killing spree tonight

[Chorus]
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He kicked Chad’s head like a ball
You can call the cops and your mom
But it won’t help you at all, hey
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
With his hatchet he will rend
He’ll jab his fingers in your eye
And get you in the end.

[Verse 2]
A day or two ago
Councilors came to stay
All too late they learned, a killer they dismayed
They tried to drive away, seated side by side
The car was stopped by a man in a mask as they fled and tried to hide
Misfortune seemed a lot
As Adam hid beneath the bed
A whimpering cry sealed his fate as the sheets were filled with red.

[Chorus]
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He stuck Buggzy to the wall
A.J. called for Tommy Jarvis
But it won’t help the dead at all, hey
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
Over his knee your back will bend
He’ll jab his fingers in your eye
And get you in the end.

[Verse 3]
A day or two ago
Councilors screamed and yelled
Vanessa took a blow
And quickly she was felled
Jason was walking by
With a freshly sharpened blade
LaChappa was sure that he’d die
Jenny screamed and they were made

[Chorus]
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He chopped Kenny in the balls
Tommy arrived just too late
And couldn’t help Kenny at all, hey
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He’ll get you and all your friends
He’ll jab his fingers in your eyes
You’ll meet a violent end.

[Verse 4]
Now the ground is red with blood
Escape him if you can
Tiffany is drowning in mud
Take the boat to escape the giant man
And sing this slaying song
Just sail up out the lake
Sail as fast as you can
Or a watery grave he will make
Hatchet to the chest for a brutal way to slay
Skulls will crack as you take the lead
No call for help you’ll heed

[Chorus]
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He’s going to kill short and tall
You can call the cops and your mom
But it won’t help you at all, hey
Jason Kills, Jason Kills
He’ll get you in the end
He’ll jab his fingers in your eyes
And won’t stop even if you cry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Merry Christmas F13 community, and Gun and Illfonic. Hope you guys have a great holiday and I’ll slay some of you guys over the holidays and well into 2018. Take care all. Hope you all have a good one and I hope you enjoyed this poorly written travesty of justice against the classic holiday song known as Jingle Bells.

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