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Ok first, I am no poet nor song writer, so this is all in good fun for a little holiday chuckle. It might suck. You might laugh, you might not. Some of you may think that I need intense psychological therapy that may or may not include electric shock and heavy amounts of some sort of drug….maybe lots of drugs. Or some of you may read this and think that I am already on them. Maybe one or more of those things is true and, off topic…But the point is, I made 13 iterations of this god forsaken thing. Why 13? Certainly not to shoehorn in some pun here about Friday the 13th and...ya know what, nevermind that’s not important. On with the show. Jason Kills: The Jingle Bells Parody by ShankerOne (Editors Note 1: May whatever god or cosmic entity you believe in have mercy on those that proceed beyond this point.) (Editors Note 2: This might hurt...a lot. You should probably turn back now.) (Editors Note 3: Last chance to turn back.) (Editors Note 4: We're really going through with this eh? Ok, You've been warned.) ~Sets inner music monologue to those reading to the theme of Jingle Bells.~ [Verse 1] Crashing through the walls With a freshly sharpened blade Over the throat I go Cutting all the way The camp is glowing red As councilors yell and cry What fun it is to slash and slay On a Killing spree tonight [Chorus] Jason Kills, Jason Kills He kicked Chad’s head like a ball You can call the cops and your mom But it won’t help you at all, hey Jason Kills, Jason Kills With his hatchet he will rend He’ll jab his fingers in your eye And get you in the end. [Verse 2] A day or two ago Councilors came to stay All too late they learned, a killer they dismayed They tried to drive away, seated side by side The car was stopped by a man in a mask as they fled and tried to hide Misfortune seemed a lot As Adam hid beneath the bed A whimpering cry sealed his fate as the sheets were filled with red. [Chorus] Jason Kills, Jason Kills He stuck Buggzy to the wall A.J. called for Tommy Jarvis But it won’t help the dead at all, hey Jason Kills, Jason Kills Over his knee your back will bend He’ll jab his fingers in your eye And get you in the end. [Verse 3] A day or two ago Councilors screamed and yelled Vanessa took a blow And quickly she was felled Jason was walking by With a freshly sharpened blade LaChappa was sure that he’d die Jenny screamed and they were made [Chorus] Jason Kills, Jason Kills He chopped Kenny in the balls Tommy arrived just too late And couldn’t help Kenny at all, hey Jason Kills, Jason Kills He’ll get you and all your friends He’ll jab his fingers in your eyes You’ll meet a violent end. [Verse 4] Now the ground is red with blood Escape him if you can Tiffany is drowning in mud Take the boat to escape the giant man And sing this slaying song Just sail up out the lake Sail as fast as you can Or a watery grave he will make Hatchet to the chest for a brutal way to slay Skulls will crack as you take the lead No call for help you’ll heed [Chorus] Jason Kills, Jason Kills He’s going to kill short and tall You can call the cops and your mom But it won’t help you at all, hey Jason Kills, Jason Kills He’ll get you in the end He’ll jab his fingers in your eyes And won’t stop even if you cry. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Merry Christmas F13 community, and Gun and Illfonic. Hope you guys have a great holiday and I’ll slay some of you guys over the holidays and well into 2018. Take care all. Hope you all have a good one and I hope you enjoyed this poorly written travesty of justice against the classic holiday song known as Jingle Bells.
All I want for Christmas are snow Maps, and a Christmas Jason. Okay, maybe I want a holiday twist on the music, new environmental kills, and a winter clothing DLC. Think of how fun it would be to impale someone with a giant icicle or strangle them with Christmas lights as happy holiday themed Jason music played in the background.