I probably should have mentioned, and the main reason I posted here, is this is not the issue. I use a wired connection and get consistently good ping in other games, and I will attach a screenshot. When asking JasonKillsBugs for help, (That's how desperate I was) they admitted to not having west coast servers and gave the most basic internet troubleshooting tips imaginable. At this point I've given up and been just playing bots, but I would love to be proven wrong someday.