So I went back and watched the ashcan Hellraiser... (cough) Revelations. Wow, I mean, wow.
Shaky cam, useless plot, a very unconvincing plot. I felt more sick to my stomach watching Supersize Me than this crap.
If you research the film at all, you know it was done on a tight budget and done very quickly. It really shows. There's really not much that saves the film at all. In fact, it kills me because it was only made to keep the license to Pinhead. A lot of people can say that Platinum Dunes destroyed Jason or Freddy... pretty please don't look at what Dimension did to my dearest Pinhead.
Objectively it's a Hellraiser film in name only. Subjectively, not at all. You could wipe out every single instance of the Hellraiser lore and it can probably still work. It's a bad fever dream. What I find crazy is how this film is sold for anything above 2 bucks on blu-ray. I wouldn't gift my friends this trash.
The plot isn't really much to talk about. I know that half of the Hellraiser films were treated scripts to include Pinhead. I'll remove Doug Bradley from the magic and just focus on what's at hand. The kills suck. The acting is on par or worse than a made for TV film. If Hellraiser met Days of Our Lives, this is probably it. I'm not pissed off that the studios did this considering how they are in the business of making money, but as a fan, this is total garbage. I guess it's one of those things that you have to accept but try to forget in the grand scheme of things. I guess every horror series needs to go through it's own personal Hell before it gets better. ?
0/10. Maybe 1/10 because for the cenobites makeup, but why the fuck were a few of them hanging out next to a pool? Absurd.
The biggest problem? The cenobites seem more like obnoxious BDSM neighbors who need to be shot with shotguns rather than supernatural demons from Hell.
I was being kinda nice, so that was a review of the first 3/4ths of it because I had to turn the shit off. I am gonna finish this properly.
So I think I was also avoiding actually talking about the plot itself, but eh, IDK, you can read it on Wiki or something:
Two dimwits that try to rip off Johnny Depp go to Mexico to mess with the box and have a good time. Guess where that goes. For whatever stupid reason they want to also film it. Shaky cams happen again, bad lines happen. Am I in a Hellraiser film or a fan film?
An absurd scene happens where it would make porn acting look Oscar worthy then I guess
. At this point I have such a headache I am constantly pausing the film because I don't know whether to continue to watch or pour a stiff drink.
At this point I'd rather just watch some Doug to remind me why I am such a big fan of this series. I can already feel like I can never recover from any of this when I talk about this since it's literally the worst I've ever seen in my fav series. All it tells me is that horror will never really be the same.
I'll update again later.
Sigh, I'll just get to the worst part...
Totally is against the lore. So, finally.
The only reason I find that there is so much to unpack here is because it's so incredibly bad it's offensive to everything I know about this film series. I would be legitimately sad by this one if it weren't for the fact the film studios did a pretty good job at softening the blow that the series was getting shittier and shittier. This is one of those films that I prefer to pretend never existed. I take back my 0/10, it's a -1/10 because of how long I needed to take to actually finish it.
Judgement seriously isn't any better. The "Of Chucky" films at least still had Brad Dourif. This has nothing relating to the original Hellraiser at all.